Misunderstood Signs of ADHD: Why Your Child Isn’t Just Being Lazy

Since early childhood, I’ve carried a poor self-image—often filled with self-doubt, shame, and frustration. From the outside, I looked like a capable student. I earned mostly A’s and B’s from elementary school through college. But what no one saw was how exhausting it was to stay caught up. It took every fiber of my being just to maintain the appearance of success.

In grammar school, I coasted on natural intelligence—especially in math and science. These subjects came easily to me, and I didn’t have to study much to do well. Looking back, I now understand that this ability was something I was born with. It wasn’t effort; it was luck—winning the genetic lottery in a few academic areas.

But in other subjects, especially reading, writing, and rote memorization, I struggled deeply. There were no computers or internet to help, and certainly no AI. So I got by in ways I’m not proud of: by fooling my teachers, my parents—and myself.

A Book I Never Read

One of my earliest reading assignments was Where the Red Fern Grows. We had two weeks to finish it. I procrastinated at first, as I often did. When I finally tried to read it, I couldn’t retain anything. I read the first few pages over and over again, only to realize I hadn’t absorbed a word. Frustrated and panicked, I gave up.

The day before the report was due, I asked a friend if he’d finished his. He had—and kindly let me copy it. I made a few edits at home and turned it in as my own. I got an A. I told myself I’d do the reading next time.

But I didn’t.

The next book assignment came. The same cycle repeated. I cheated again—and again. I never read a single assigned book from first grade through high school. Eventually, I started using CliffsNotes to fake my way through assignments. I kept earning A’s and B’s, but every one of those grades came with a cost: my self-confidence.

I constantly felt stupid, lazy, and ashamed. Why couldn’t I just sit down and read like everyone else? Why did textbooks make my brain shut down?

The Truth I Didn’t Know

The truth was, I had ADHD. I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t dumb. I just learned differently. But no one knew that—not me, not my teachers, not even my parents. My brain couldn’t retain information from reading, and no one understood why.

Over time, I discovered that I processed information better through listening than reading. By high school, I had figured out that the only way I could succeed was by sitting close to the teacher and focusing intently on what was said. I carried this strategy with me through college, always sitting in the front row, always listening closely.

Today, I understand what was really going on. I was never broken—I was just wired differently. Once I found subjects that interested me, like psychology, I could read and retain enormous amounts of information. Interest was the key. This is true for so many people with ADHD.

But What About Kids Who Don’t Get to Choose?

As an adult, I can choose what I read and study. But kids can’t. They’re required to read books and complete assignments whether they care about the subject or not. So what can parents and teachers do to help children with ADHD succeed—especially when they're struggling with content they find boring or difficult?

Here are a few strategies I’ve learned from experience—both as a student with ADHD and as a parent of two kids who have it too:

✅ 6 Ways to Help Kids with ADHD Learn More Effectively

1. Create a distraction-free environment.A child’s bedroom may be full of distractions. Consider setting up a separate, quiet workspace with minimal visual and auditory stimulation.

2. Connect learning to their interests.If your child loves basketball, use it to teach math (e.g., shooting percentages), physics (e.g., the arc of the ball), or even history (e.g., turning historical conflicts into basketball rivalries). Their passion can unlock focus. I explore this more in my blog: ADHD and the Hidden Superpower of Hyper-Focus.

3. Take regular breaks.Kids with ADHD burn out more quickly. Schedule short breaks—5 minutes for every 25–30 minutes of focused work—to help reset their attention.

4. Encourage them.Remind your child that their struggles are not their fault. They’re not lazy or stupid—they just process information differently. Knowing this makes a huge difference in how they view themselves.

5. Adjust your expectations.Even when they’re trying their hardest, your child may not meet every academic benchmark. That’s okay. Focus on progress, not perfection—and nurture the subjects that light them up inside.

6. Explore medication—carefully.Medication isn’t right for everyone. As a child, stimulants worsened my motor tics, making them an unviable option at the time. If one type of medication doesn’t work, talk to your child’s doctor about alternatives, including non-stimulant options.

Final Thoughts

Your child is probably trying harder than you realize—just to keep up. Most schools aren’t designed for ADHD brains, and the world isn’t either. Understanding this—and helping your child understand it—can ease the shame they carry and open the door to real confidence.

When we recognize that “laziness” is often a mask for deeper struggle, we create space for compassion, support, and success. ADHD brains are not broken. They’re just different. And with the right tools and understanding, different can be powerful.